Giving my 5 & 2
Retrospectively, it feels like a modern day excerpt from the book of Esther.
You know how events just “fall” into place and when you look back you recognize the orchestration of those events?
A friend sends me a message she feels led to share with me, a powerful message entitled “The Multitude” by @priscillashirer. It is a stirring exposition on the passage of scripture where Jesus feeds the multitude. The question that I wrestled with as a result of that message is “have I given my “five and two” to Jesus”? Then there was a sleepless night like King Ahasuerus where I opened an old journal and read the entries recorded on that page. How ironic much of what I recorded then almost a year ago would hold the answer to the question I pondered.
I have not fully given Jesus my “five and two” because I have not fully given ME to Jesus. Sure I’ve given Him parts of me. Sure I’ve followed the call I heard. I DID those things. But the answer that leapt off the page of my journal, the reason I have not given Him my “five and two” is because I have felt anything that comes from me is not enough. It’s inadequate.
And God said, it’s not your “five and two” I want. It’s YOU. I realized I haven’t given my “five and two” because I felt I am not enough. So it stands to reason that my “five and two” will not be adequate either. As a matter of fact, at times, I could not identify my “five and two”. How can you give what you yourself do not see?
If you feel unworthy to give yourself to Jesus JUST AS YOU ARE, this is an opportunity for you to investigate what keeps you from fully doing so. Not pretty enough? Rich enough? Educated enough? Popular enough? Holy enough? Fill in the blank. What is your place of lack that keeps you from freely giving yourself to Jesus and then freely receiving from Him?
Today, will you confess to Him what has kept you from Him? Will you say here I am in spite of those confessions? Will you allow Him to say “all I wanted FIRST was you. And now you’ve given you to Me, let Me show you what I have given you - your “five and two”. Will you give those to Him and watch Him multiply it and give it back to you?
#MoMusing #pondering #journaling